All quotes were submitted by fans. Submit your favourite quotations on the forum. Include the episode title if you want it to be included in this collection.
2.01. Sadie, Sadie
Richard: When I was ten I knew what I wanted to be
Lorelai: Thats because you were always picked last for dodgeball
2.02. Hammers and Veils
2.03. Red Light on the Wedding Night
Lorelai: We're almost there and nowhere near it. All that matters is we're going.
Rory: We're practically gone already.
Lorelai: Look out world.
"You only get married once, theoretically." -Luke to Lorelai
"Don't just laugh, answer the pepperoni" -Dean Forrester to Max Medina
Michel: "I feel like crap on toast."
2.04. The Road Trip to Harvard
"I ate the fuzzy cert. It tasted like keys!" -Lorelai
Luke: "Welcome to France. Coffee's on the house."
Kirk: "Thank you. Or should I say gracias."
"Okay I think we've found the first room in history that would make Liberace say: Whoa step back no ones that gay." - Lorelai
2.05. Nick & Nora/Sid & Nancy
"I need to go rethink that closet. I have my Metallica shirt by my Tool shirt and they just don't get along" Jess to Luke
RORY: Uh huh. So, that was quite a disappearing act you pulled the other night.
JESS: Potlucks and Tupperware parties aren't really my thing.
RORY: Too cool for school, huh?
JESS: Yes, that is me.
RORY: What are you doing?
JESS: Oh this? Nothing. [does an illusion with a coin] Just another little disappearing act.
RORY: Little tip?
JESS: Yeah?
RORY: If you ever want to speak to me again, don't pull that out of my ear.
JESS: So I assume the nose is off limits too?
RORY: Any place you wouldn't naturally find a coin, let's leave it that way.
JESS: So what are you doing now?
RORY: I have some homework to finish.
JESS: Okay, then I'll leave you this last little trick. [hands her a book]
RORY: You bought a copy? I told you I'd lend you mine.
JESS: It is yours.
RORY: You stole my book.
JESS: Nope, borrowed it.
RORY: Okay, that's not called a trick, that's called a felony.
JESS: I just wanted to put some notes in the margins for you.
RORY: What? [looks through the book] You've read this before.
JESS: About forty times.
RORY: I thought you said you didn't read much.
JESS: Well, what is much? Goodnight Rory.
RORY: Goodnight Dodger.
JESS: Dodger?
RORY: Figure it out.
JESS: Oliver Twist.
2.06. Presenting Lorelai Gilmore
"You'll have to make do with a non-lighted mirror. The lighted ones went to the girls that were here before dawn." -Lady at Rory's Debutant Ball
"Oooh, I love you! I wanna have your baby! Oops, too late." - Lorelai to Christopher
2.07. Like Mother, Like Daughter
Rory: You're happy.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Rory: Did you do something slutty?
Lorelai: I'm not that happy.
2.08. The Ins and Outs of Inns
This quote is during the town meeting when everyone is accusing Jess of everything that has gone wrong.
Lorelai: "I heard he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter."
2.09. Run Away Little Boy
2.10. The Bracebridge Dinner
Richard: "Lorelai, you should be very proud."
Lorelai: "Thanks, Dad."
Emily: "Lorelai, your dress needs pressing."
Lorelai: "Thanks, Mom."
2.11. Secrets and Loans
2.12. Richard In Stars Hollow
2.13. A Tisket A Tasket
JESS: You know, Ernest only has lovely things to say about you.
Jess to Dean: "Oh jeez man,she's not shipping off to 'nam'.
"Also pathetic. But that is a pathetic I can live with, where that pathetic is a truly pathetic pathetic, and only you can save me from the double pathetic! Please!" -Lorelai to Luke
"I'm not taking sides- I'm Swiss baby!" -Lorelai to Rory
2.14. It Should've Been Lorelai
Kirk: Excuse me Mrs Kim. I'm Kirk.
Mrs Kim: I know you're Kirk i've know you since you were 2.
Kirk: That's no guarantee that people will remember me
2.15. Lost and Found
"I can't relax. I can't sleep. I'm having nightmares about being chased around by boxes with arms and they tackle me and pile clothing on top of my face and secure it around my head with packing tape and I'm just lying there choking while you're sitting in the corner laughing, putting gel in your hair with a switchblade!" -Luke
Luke: "That's your room. Finish up we'll hold hands and skip afterwards."
"No i went down the chimney and pulled a santa claus" Jess to lorelai
Lorelai: So, um, basically everything here is chicken. You’ve got garlic chicken, Kung Pao chicken, Szechuan Chicken, chicken in brown sauce, which looks and tastes remarkably like the Szechuan Chicken except it’s got these red peppers in it and if you eat them, you die. Plate?
"I'm Just being dramatic. It's what I do." - Lorelai
Rory: The clock is grunting.
Lorelai: This, my friend, is a state of the art CD/clock radio that enables you to wake up to the barnyard animal of your choice.
Rory: That is great.
Lorelai: I have selected the perky piggies. You might choose the cheery chickens or the goofy goats.
Rory: That is as close to a farm as I ever wanna get.
Lorelai: Amen sister friend.
2.16. There's the Rub
EMILY: Oh, well, thank you. That’s a pretty color. What is that?
LORELAI: It’s called Vicious Trollop.
EMILY: Oh, stop it! Now why would you name a lipstick something like that?
LORELAI: ‘Cause ‘dirty whore’ was taken?
EMILY: You frighten me.
2.17. Dead Uncles and Vegetables
LUKE: I saw the stupid thing once on a visit, flapping its wings like crazy, banging around, squawking the only two words it knows over and over – Petey and gorgeous. Gorgeous, Petey, gorgeous, Petey!
LORELAI: That’s disturbing.
LUKE: My family’s disturbing.
2.18. Back in the Saddle Again
2.19. Teach Me Tonight
Hey, are we gonna do some of those school house rock songs, because they say if you just make learning fun. -Jess
"You can stand in the middle of the street, and I will drive straight at you, yelling in a foreign language" -Jess to Rory
2.20. Help Wanted
2.21. Lorelai's Graduation Day
2.22. I Can't Get Started
"Oy with the poodles already" -Lorelai